Permission Changes the Conversation

Most leaders don’t avoid tough conversations because they don’t care.
They avoid them because they care deeply.

They worry about how it will land.
They don’t want to damage trust.
They don’t want the conversation to spiral or shut someone down.

That’s where permission-based coaching makes all the difference.

With permission-based coaching, you focus on getting buy-in throughout the process. You explain the why behind what you’re doing and make sure people understand how the conversation benefits not only them, but the entire organization.

When people understand the purpose, defensiveness drops and openness increases.

I once helped a leader who needed to have a tough conversation with a team member about coachability. In the past, she would have used the classic compliment sandwich. This time, she chose a different path.

She led with clarity and respect.

She said something like, “Josh, I wanted to give you some feedback based on some things I’ve been seeing. Is now a good time to talk?”

That one question changed everything.

By starting with the why and asking for permission, she created a more open and honest conversation. She didn’t dance around the issue or hide it between pleasantries. She went straight to the core, but in a way that invited partnership instead of resistance.

It also gave the team member a voice.

• He could say yes.

• He could say not right now.

• He could ask for time to prepare.

Sometimes people are in the middle of a big project. Sometimes they’re already carrying stress. Sometimes they simply need a moment to shift gears. Permission-based coaching respects that reality without avoiding the conversation altogether.

That’s the difference.

The leader wasn’t asking for permission to avoid feedback. She was asking for permission to engage fully and productively.

When the answer was yes, she proceeded with clarity.

She was direct, transparent, and created space for agreement instead of compliance.

This approach also helps leaders who feel stuck or hesitant because of their own imperfections. Many leaders avoid tough conversations because they feel guilty or hypocritical. They know they haven’t been perfect themselves.

Permission-based coaching allows you to acknowledge that.

You can name the tension.
You can say this isn’t about being perfect.
You can say it’s about growth.

That honesty builds credibility, not weakness.

Once the issue is clearly laid out, the next step is commitment. Not demands. Not ultimatums. Commitments.

You can ask, “What are you willing to commit to in order to improve?”

That question shifts ownership.
It moves the conversation from correction to partnership.
It builds trust and accountability at the same time.

In strong permission-based conversations, both sides leave knowing what they’re responsible for moving forward. The leader is clear on support and follow-up. The team member is clear on expectations and next steps.

This is where real change happens.

Bringing it all together, this is what the Assess phase is truly about. Doing the hard work upfront. Understanding your team’s soil. Making the necessary changes. Consistently tracking progress over time.

When you do that, you create better soil.
Better soil produces deeper roots.
Deeper roots lead to healthier, more consistent growth.

Permission-based coaching isn’t softer leadership.
It’s clearer leadership.

It allows you to have the conversations that matter, without damaging trust, and without avoiding the truth. When leaders slow down enough to lead this way, teams respond with ownership, clarity, and growth that lasts.

Lead Boldly,
~ MW

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