Handling Hard Conversations with Your Team

The 24 Hour Rule

Ever feel like firing off an email in the heat of the moment?

I’ve been there. I remember when a team member missed an important deadline, and my immediate reaction was to fire off a strongly worded email. I wanted to let them know how disappointed I was—right then and there. 

But here’s what I’ve learned (often the hard way): acting in the heat of the moment is one of the biggest mistakes a leader can make. So, I’d like to share a little secret that’s saved me—and my team—a lot of stress: the 24-hour rule.

What’s the 24-Hour Rule?

It’s simple: if something goes wrong, wait up to 24 hours before diving into a conversation—especially if emotions are high. 

Sure, it’s important to connect soon after the issue arises, but it’s crucial not to do so when you're upset. 

Taking that extra time allows you to process and focus on what really matters. (Let’s be honest—no one likes to be on the receiving end of a leader’s emotionally charged reaction.)

This doesn’t mean I want to put important conversations off….

In fact, it's the exact opposite. I want to be the right person for the conversation. If that means waiting a few hours to cool down and still responding within 24 hours, I can expect much better responses and prevent my emotions from getting in the way. 

How to Bring the 24 Hour Rule to Life

The 24-hour rule isn’t just about buying time; it’s about giving yourself space to think clearly and act thoughtfully.

1. Take a Step Back
   When you feel frustration bubbling up, take a moment to cool off. Walk away from the situation—literally or figuratively. Take a 10-minute break, grab a coffee, or dive into another task. Giving yourself distance helps you separate your initial emotional reaction from the facts to approach the conversation more rationally.

2. Reflect on the Outcome You Want
   Once you’ve cooled off, think about what you want to achieve. Is the goal simply to address the issue? Or do you want to help your team members grow? Clarifying your objective will help guide the conversation. Do you want them to improve a skill, change an approach, or address a specific gap? This clarity enables you to steer the conversation away from frustration and toward what will help them best.

3. Keep It About Them, Not You
   When the time comes to talk, frame your feedback in terms of their development. Focus on how they can learn and grow rather than just what went wrong. For example, instead of saying, “You let me down,” try, “I see a lot of potential in you, and I want to help you reach it.” This keeps the conversation supportive rather than adversarial.

3 Power Questions to Ask Yourself:

1. What do I want this person to learn or improve from this situation?
   Focus on growth and development, not just the mistake.

2. How can I approach this conversation to make it constructive and empathetic?
   Shift the focus from criticism to coaching. What is one action step they can take?

3. Am I being fair by taking time to process before I speak?
   Reflect on whether you're giving yourself the space to lead with patience and clarity.

The 24-hour rule helps preserve relationships and sets the tone for a culture of patience, empathy, and constructive feedback. 

Next time frustration rises, pause, process, and approach the situation calmly and clearly. You might be surprised at how much more effective your conversations—and your leadership—become.

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